Well it has been quite some time since I have been on this thing. I am quite certain that I merely am speaking into the vast nothingness. I am quite certain nobody will read this, but I shall continue to post. I have come to terms with working my current job. I have been slacking with my art, and with my writing. I miss it. At one point I was devoted. I fell of track, and have yet to get back on. Not that I have a massive amount of ideas to partake on, but it still is nice to retreat to my forms of art. I am in a constant bind, and struggle to settle my faults of the past. All to possibly open new doors, and a new part of my life. A new part of my life I look forward to. At this point it feels out of reach like a bird with clipped wings. Knowing this struggle I am still determined to try. I have set my mind to many goals, and to this day have yet to fail besides the boundaries of love. Love is a tricky notion. It cannot be defined, nor can it be ignored. Many say "you'll know it when you feel it", but how is it you know it if you can't define it. If you were survey a vast amount of people to define in their own words what 'Love' means I am for certain each and every definition would be different by a huge margin. Love is it real, does it feel, is it emotional, or is it chemical? How does 'Love' Function? is it fictitious? Why is it when ones "heart" gets crushed they feel a gaping hole in there chest? When one loves another are there souls combined at some point? I can't say I can define the word love, but I can say I feel it. Love cannot be defined by such menial words. I say all you can do is say how you feel, and do not try and define it. Just hope that it is real. I know for certain that I am connected to this woman I have. She bares such warmth to my soul, but at the same time could torture it at her will. One thing is for certain, and that I am confident that this is real....
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I FELT A FUNERAL IN MY BRAIN
Emily Dickenson

I felt a funeral in my brain,
And mourners, to and fro,
Kept treading, treading, till it seemed
That sense was breaking through.

And when they all were seated,
A service like a drum
Kept beating, beating, till I thought
My mind was going numb.

And then I heard them lift a box,
And creak across my soul
With those same boots of lead,
Then space began to toll

As all the heavens were a bell,
And Being but an ear,
And I and silence some strange race,
Wrecked, solitary, here.

And then a plank in reason, broke,
And I dropped down and down--
And hit a world at every plunge,
And finished knowing--then--

Well.

Okay, well not really much to "update" not that anyone actually reads this piece of shit. Everyday may be a constant struggle some of course on different levels. Not many take any of the good in accord. Usually most disregard it and concentrate simply on the bad. I suppose its always easier that way. Look at me for instance I am a pessimist at nature. I simply call it being a realist. Whatever that means. Its easier to look at the faults in human beings, and simply degrade them to nothing. The constant lack of compassion for one another. How quickly they are to shun one aside for petty self gain. Where did the concept of love or compassion go? did it dissipate when the idea of"economical growth" came in? With our constant struggle to climb up the economical ladder kicking, clawing, and consuming all that get in the way. Just to get that dream car, and big screen TV. Oh well Fuck it. That's all I got to say. I guess I can be someones stepping stone.